Anguish, uncontrollable sense of loss, deep sadness, powerlessness, profound emptiness, regret and feeling overwhelmed ... all contribute to elders checking out. If this is compounded with social isolation, and being treated in ways that are dismissive and abusive, it is a recipe for disaster.
Is this the quality of life ... at the end of life, that we wish for our aging population? Is that what you would want for your spouse or aging parents? Of course not! So how can we respond effectively in our communities, in our networks of caregiving?
Relationships, Relationships Relationships.
The most powerful antidote to the slippery slope of depression - from the moment of retirement - is building a network of safe supportive relationships. These are places where it is safe for folks to talk about what is real for them. Ram Das speaks of the conversations that elders have, that feel more like "Organ Recitals" ....My knee, my hip, my eyes, my hearing, my heart, my joints etc. Younger adults often check out when older folks start in with the litany of broken stuff. But that is what is going on - and like water behind a beaver dam - you have to drain out all the dark murky stuff - before the stream runs clear. Be patient and be rewarded with the rich fabric of a life fully lived.
Older men, whose person-hood or identity has been defined as "What they did - is who they were". Veterans, machinists, salesmen, teachers, engineers etc., are quick to fall into the depression trap, on retirement. The average life expectancy for men, after an unplanned retirement, is about 18 months.
For women, who invariably outlive their spouses by many years; their connection to other women in social networks of community, churches, senior centers, children and grand children is a critical part of healthy aging. For those couples with a long term personal relationships of 40 - 50 or 60 years, the loss of a spouse can be profoundly traumatic.
For both, actively investing, inviting and building a network of social relationships BEFORE retirement is an important part of healthy aging. One of the most productive of these networks is volunteering: in schools, hospitals, non-profits, literacy programs & multi-generational groups. Often, the key ingredient here is arranging transportation. The loss of ones license or car is often one of the first steps into the abyss of social isolation.
Paying close attention to symptoms of depression and responding with engagement, dignity and respect, so that it safe to talk about loss and loneliness, is critical - and the prescription of socialization is both helpful and critical.
Relationships, Relationships, Relationships ...
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